The weird and wonderful people you meet at festivals are just one of the reasons why we love them so much (and why we have no idea who 10% of our Facebook friends are). In honour of these colourful characters, we’ve compiled a nowhere-near exhaustive list of your typical festival folk, but we think we’ve covered off the regs. If there are any you think we’ve missed out, don’t hesitate in letting us know in the comments…
A person whose modus operandi is to tell everyone what tune is about to be mixed in before anyone else can – the obscurer the better. Earlier in the day they can be found at the front of the crowd stroking their chins and watching the DJs intently, Shazaming every other tune for that rare B-side they can populate their Soundcloud accounts with.
The Weekend Hippy
The weekend hippy probably has an office job, perhaps in marketing or HR, and takes the opportunity a festival brings to pop on the harem pants and ‘just get away from it all’. Can often be found in the morning yoga sessions or making a nice dream catcher… cosmic.
The Guy with the Guitar
Disrupting campsites for as long as campsites and guitars have existed, this person needs no explanation. Nothing beats staring blankly across a campsite at a guy trying to perfect the intro to Stairway to Heaven, before resorting to a good old Wonderwall sing along, like they’re the first person to ever do so.
Whether you’re gathered around the campsite for a morning debrief over a few tinnies, or in the midst of a rowdy crowd, the instagrammer (having researched festival chic on Pintrest) can be found in herds topping up their glitter or readjusting their flower crowns and taking endless selfies… Remember: if it’s not documented on Instagram, it didn’t actually happen.
Picture the scene… It’s Thursday, the sun is just setting and you’re just popping the last few tent pegs into the ground when suddenly a sweating topless man with pupils like dinner plates comes staggering through your campsite gripping a tinny so hard it’s almost split in half… This is the Wasteman. Can be found at all hours of the day displaying a complete lack of self-control or ability to string together a coherent sentence.
These boys see a festival as a good excuse to get fucked up with the lads. Preparation for the festival will involve a week solid on the weights – they won’t be shy about showing off those guns – along with the best ‘beater tan lines in the business. You might find them at the bar or dotted around the campsite chugging Stella out of each other’s arseholes.
The Wavey Garmy Army
This trendy bunch are a relatively new breed of festival goer. Easy to spot as they’ll most likely be in a £400 Supreme jumper, or perhaps opting for the more retro look, with a bucket hat and some Fila trainers. Quite often part time DJs, they can be found at the back of tents tutting over the sound quality or mixing.
The Old Skool Raver
These guys tend to be in their 40s and most likely grew up chewing pills in warehouses, listening to drum and bass and acid house. They can often be found wherever the BPM exceeds 140, raving till the wee hours and skinning up joints with cigarette baccy (what’s up with that?).
The One with all the Food
One of the lowest points at any festival has to be that time of the day when you’re forcing down a cereal bar, or something equally void of moisture, while gazing longingly at a fellow camper going to town on a bacon butty, followed by a burrito, followed by a curry, followed by a burger… Prick.
The Actual Hippy
Not to be confused with the weekend hippy. Actual hippies have probably volunteered at the festival, and tend to be found with bare feet and big, fragrant dreads. They’re likely to be indulging in some weird extra curricular activity you’ve never seen outside the walls of a festival, including (but not limited to) juggling, hula-hooping, or spinning around those weird flashy things on strings.
The First Timers
We’ve all been there, though some festivals attract the first timer more than others. Personally, my first (along with many others) was Reading, and I’m sure me and all my 16-year-old mates could be spotted a mile off, with our 4-packs of Fosters, sensible footwear and laminated schedule of all the music we had planned to go and see.
The Well Prepared
Either these people have kids, cannot stand to be away from their creature comforts, or have done it all so many times they feel like they deserve maximum comfort levels at their festivals. Having effortlessly glided their belongings into the campsite on a wheelbarrow and set up their top-of-range gazebo and campsite seating, they can be found enjoying fresh coffee straight from the cafetiere on their blow-up double mattress.